It’s a quarter to 2 in the morning. I don’t plan on sleeping, and I’ll probably boil myself a cup of coffee. Now though,
I’ve sat myself on this couch with a bowl of plain oatmeal whilst the TV shows a Korean music show for old people and a documentary. All the while I know that in 6 hours I have midterms, followed by a gruelling 3 hours of International Law and German, and afterwards another 3 or so hours of thesis research.
This tasteless fibre treat coupled with the vibratos of these aging Korean artists brings me down to where I feel like I’m a depressed old man, regretting the things he’s done or not done and knowing that it just might be too late to make things right.
It’s so difficult to find self-happiness. I know where to begin, and I know that I have to have peace within me. This peace will have to come with a temporary distortion of someone else’s peace. I’m just so fucking afraid of what would happen to me and to her once I finally have the balls to fucking sort myself out.
I have to fix myself (I’ve probably said that a billion times), because this is harbouring so much pain that I have to act differently to friends that remind me of her. I have to have a life where I’m not constantly basing my actions and ideas through bittersweet memories. I want to have my own life.
I really thought I could live on my own, be dependent from the past mistakes. That will never happen. If peace is a still lake in the morning, then I have a small pond with a large rock thrown in the middle.
I find myself feeling jealous of people who find closure to these kinds of things. I guess I’ll return to my pity party of one.
I’ve always thought that I loved what I studied. International Relations (IR) seemed to be a degree that I was determined to finish with pride. I’ve been so wrong, and it took me two weeks of International Law (INTLLAW) *and a semi-covert day out in Ateneo* to find out what I really wanted. It’s true though, that I love to study. I love to read things that have existed for years, and yet never heard of until I’ve read them. I love that professors teach me things that explain why the world is the way it is. My mind is hungry, so hungry that I forgot that I’m made up of more than just a slab of gray matter. I’ve been so caught up in filling my mind that I’ve completely starved my soul. I realised it the hard way.
Studying INTLLAW changed how I did things. I study way in advance, TRY to finish all the materials needed for the day, then review what I’ve studied; I also have other Majors to deal with. I kept doing this routine, until one day, I just cracked. I broke down from the stress, a pressure that I thought I was totally used to. But the stress from my family meddled with my focus to study, and I couldn’t use academics to deviate my attention away from my family. I was completely bare to the emotional attack that I apparently set up for myself all these years without knowing. I had no armour; I was made of glass instead of the usual three-inch-thick-crocodile-skin. I questioned what I was doing, “Is this what I truly want? Getting an IR degree so that I could go back to where I grew up? Is IR what I would have picked at all?” And the answer is, no. Continue reading
Staring at a ceiling for minutes at a time, when was the last time you did that? Most of us do it as a reaction to exasperation, exhaustion, or stress. We blankly stare to a still, plain canvas that hovers above our head, to break away from our continuous thoughts that play in our minds–a normal human condition that extends our resistance for work. If that’s the case, it would seem that I’ve asked the wrong question. So let me rephrase it. When was the last time you freely decided to stare at a ceiling for minutes at a time?
I’m at Saint’s Alp Teahouse typing this on my iPod, taking brief moments to stare unto this black painted, egg carton covered ceiling. Before I was so desperately trying to find a muse to this writing, I was reading The Family Fang, a book that I decided to finish by the end of the day.
To my left is a group of Atenean freshmen that unexpectedly have a novel each. I am so taken aback by this that I keep staring at their hands. I’ve never seen such a group of people like this in Taft. I check around to make sure I wasn’t jumping my gun, and I see other people reading as well.
To my right is a beautiful Atenean girl studying Physics. I enjoy her company since I do enjoy beautiful women. Even though we’re not talking to each other, the one-foot of air between us is very comfortable. I could stay in this spot for hours–and I have. Continue reading
This was a midterm speech I made for my course in European Foreign Policy. I was supposed to play the role of Vladimir Putin and his views towards the EU. I may have edited this version a bit.
My highly esteemed associates,
I want to thank you all for being here this morning. I admire your dedication to openly discuss matters of the EU, the states that are involved in it and the citizens that reside in them.
A few weeks ago, my colleagues and I, President Barroso and President Van Rompuy, have just finished the EU – Russian Summit. We have discussed many avenues into deepening the relations between Russia and the EU. The Partnership and Cooperation Agreement of 2008 with the EU has given us some improvement, and we would want to deepen economic integration and coöperation even more. Therefore, we are looking into the possibilities of enhancing and replacing this agreement. The Partnership for Modernisation is in implementation, and in due time we will see advancement in investment and trade, technical standards, and sustainable low-carbon economy promotion. The EU – Russia Energy Roadmap 2050, signed by the EU Energy Commissioner Günther Oettinger and Russian Minister for Energy Alexander Novak, is focused on ensuring energy security and fair energy distribution to both EU and Russia while maintaining a transparent and competitive market. Human Rights in Russia have always been aligned with the EU. The mobility of Russian and EU citizens, which I will go into detail later on, have been on negotiations for an upgraded visa. This might mean a complete upgrade of the Schengen Visa or something similar; why this does not happen now, I will discuss later on. Of course, the hot topic nowadays is the Syrian crisis and the steadfast willingness of the EU to participate, which I see as completely unnecessary. Continue reading
And yet another one bites the dust. I don’t remember how many sites I’ve setup and deleted since my stay in WordPress. As always, it was with a heavy heart that I had to kill one of my babies.
P.S. I’m working on a new entry and will probably have it out by next week. That is if I am able to put down this book that’s never left my clutch. I’ve been reading Shadow of Night fyi.
I got my grade from my professor, and I’m fairly happy with it! If only I submitted my final paper on time, I would’ve probably gotten a 3.5. Well, I can’t really bend my grades in my department nor would I want to. Anyway, this means that I can go ahead and write with a clear and relaxed mind! Unless I fail in German4, that would just be crap.
SO! Let me tell you about this girl that I insanely like and have lost attraction towards after one evening. She’s the type that people would ignore at first sight. Were you thinking of love at first sight? She’s pretty much invisible, until you let her speak or until she wants to speak. She’s extremely intelligent, probably the most intelligent out of our entire European Studies batch. I’ve known her for a year, but I’ve only gotten to talk to her this year.
I told my friend, let’s call her Tänzerin, about this newfound attraction of mine. Tänzerin knows my type of girls that I’m attracted to: very Asian looking, extremely pretty, extremely white–basically Japanese, Korean or Chinese girls who are overly attractive. This girl whom I am insanely attracted to, let’s call her Dil Pickles (Rugrats, for those who don’t know,) is the total opposite of my usual Asian-white-girl attraction. Continue reading
So. A couple of days ago, I promised to publish this entry about this relationship I have with this girl (whom I insanely like by the way), rediscovery of self-love, and Buddhism. BUT I CAN’T! Why? I’m waiting for my professor in International Organisations to give the grades out. He said that he would release it yesterday, then postponed it this morning, then moved it to tonight. Still, nothing. So until I know how badly I’ve done, I won’t be able write with a relaxed mind.
Guess who’s back in the blogosphere? That’s right! Me! So Imma make a post in a couple of hours about a relationship I have with this girl, rediscovery of self-love, and Buddhism. I’m officially on vacation now, so the amount of posts will rocket! It’s great to be back! It’s great to be able to write what I want once again. Baby, I AM BACK.
DEAR TAPAT AND SANTUGON,
I passed by your “miting de avance” expecting no more from you, and you’ve met my criteria for low standards. Yes, once again you’ve disappointed me. You stood there, rallying your troops in hopes to convince those who are in the Ampitheatre that you are the better option. Your parties’ population combined was literally more than twice the potential voters who sat, interestingly, between the two parties, acting as a buffer. Your meeting and efforts were practically useless in my opinion. Please, don’t give me that hopeful thought of “Those who were there will spread our ideas and platforms” because they won’t. They’ll probably forget about them when they get home only because there are more important matters to take care of than trying to remember the candidates for college batch president, whose name must have been echoed over and over–to a point where the bearers think of themselves at the third person. Sure enough, you’ll immediately throw Article III Section 4 of the 1987 Constitution (I can hear you googling); I’ll give you credit for that, but just partially since you seem to be taking advantage of it. Speaking of echoing, why are you so intent on getting your own party to echo your ideas–literally echo what you’ve just said. Aren’t you supposed to convince the potential voters? I’ve seen these buffer people; they were most probably sitting there thinking, “Oh, this is rather entertaining. I’m glad I came here to kill time,” or perhaps, “Why are they saying it again? I heard you the first time.” One thing is sure; they were just sitting. I swear, the most enthusiastic people at the “meeting” were those coming from your own parties. You are well aware that your own parties support you, so why excite them more than they already are? You know they’ll vote for the party they represent. Go for the voters for crying out loud! In fact, before initiating the Miting de Avance, make sure that the people who matter the most are the majority. And if you haven’t figured that out by now, they’re the voters. If your current strategies don’t convince the voters otherwise, you should know something’s not right. I’m not saying that you’re doing it wrong–wait. No. I am saying that you are doing it wrong. Just because COMELEC doesn’t set the ‘right’ parameters on how to do your campaign that doesn’t give you the incentive to act like beheaded chickens. Surely, you have the resources to produce original plans. So what if your strategies have been tried and tested! Sir Ken Robinson back in his 2006 TED talk said, “If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.” Common sense, innovativeness, courage, and creativity seem to have been muted from your repetitive ‘howling technique’. My professors, who spent more years teaching than being an undergrad at DLSU, are always annoyed each time you knock at their doors. Please, don’t think that you’re not bothering us when you are granted permission to campaign in our rooms, because you are a bother.
A friend of mine said that the independent candidate has the most realistic platforms out of all of you; unfortunately, I have not had the pleasure to meet this person. [If you're interested in his platform, click here.] You can see what you can achieve when you look at students at uni from a different perspective—especially when you see them as students. Get your eyes out of those shades of yellow and orange, and see what the students need and NOT what you THINK the students need.
Official logo of the French Republic, used exclusively by its government and prefectures. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Today, we had a United Nations simulation on the motion of ‘Replacing Cap and Trade with Mandatory Carbon Emissions Reductions for high polluting and industrialized countries.’ I represented France in the Security Council, and here were my speeches. Oh, I was vetoed 4:1. We lost, big time.
It is within our interest to progress even further as an industrialised state. Although, we cannot ignore the fact that the lands of millions of our brothers will be taken by the tide caused by rising sea levels. The risk of monetary gain is minuscule compared to the price that these small islands would have to face. Our belief still stands: Liberty. Equality. Fraternity.
France stands on the principle of equality. Tax exemption and carbon credits to industries and states by cap and trade is unconstitutional. The new proposed solution to the reduction of carbon emissions aligns with our principle of equality. The inability to purchase carbon credits to be used for industrialisation is not equality. France agrees to this solutions since it is beneficial to the Group of South-Pacific Islands through long-term economic gain. If nobody will save our brothers, who will?
Question from the professor:
Are you willing to take these people as part your state when their land disappears?
We will accept them as refugees. We will not erase their identity as members of their own state and risk them losing their sovereignty.