I’ve been fighting a losing battle alone my entire life, but I never fucking gave up.

My life’s a total mess. I’m doing everything I can to fix it, and I know this isn’t enough. So now I must make a sacrifice, and it’s gonna hurt me more than it will hurt you, even if this means finally fixing my fucked up life that’s full of shit and pain, this sacrifice is a small price to pay for something so great–happiness.

I know this sounds stupid, but I figured the only way to finally get back what I’ve lost is to sacrifice something great, and suffer a little more than usual.

I must do this alone, just like how I’ve done everything else. Alone.

So, yes.

That does mean I’m going back to being a hermit, and this time with a proper reason to do so.

Although, I won’t be invisible like last time

Everyone All unnecessary things around me will turn invisible. That way I don’t see anyone but myself, and I can concentrate on myself. It’s a selfish thig to do, but can you blame me? A person who fucked up his own life and is now doing everything he can to fix it, to make things better for himself, even if it means suffering more than he usually does? No. I didn’t think so.

My first step into fixing my shitty life is to get out of that rat-hole school with a diploma. So I’m gonna study study study, and nothing else. AND I MEAN NOTHING ELSE. If you see me like a robot with no emotions, being a hermit blah blah you’ll know why. As I said, don’t blame me for fixing my life.

PS. I’ve given thought on all of this. So don’t go about lecturing me about what I should and shouldn’t do. You have no fucking clue what shit I’ve been through. So fuck-off and respect my decision. And besides, you aren’t alone, you’re surrounded with people and friends; you’ll do fine without me.

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6 thoughts on “I’ve been fighting a losing battle alone my entire life, but I never fucking gave up.

  1. How do you plan on fixing your life if you’re just doing what you’ve been doing all along? I don’t understand. You’re lonely, right? So, how will ostracizing yourself from the rest of the world fix anything? That’s just stupid. Correct me if I missed something…

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    • Okay, the thing is, I was alone for quite a while and when I meant by “I must do this alone, just like how I’ve done everything else. Alone.” I did not specifically mean fixing my life. In fact it meant everything and by everything I mean like suffering, striving, “bearing the weight”. It’s only now that I’ve decided to fix my life, and I’m doing like how I did everything else, alone.

      Because my priority is me and nothing or no one else. My mind set was, everything else is just unnecessary distractions. I know it sounds stupid, I find it stupid. But this stupid idea is working. People could call me moronic, but hey, it works.

      I hope I answered your questions, thank you for asking

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