I can feel my world crashing down on me

I’ve worked extremely hard on fixing my life.. I really have. I must say, it’s not as easy as it looks. Although I expected as much from “life”, being it such a pain in the ass and all that. And it looks like it ain’t givin’ up on throwing me in the gutter just yet.

I’ve been fixing my life ever since I put up that blog earlier this year. It’s been one hell of a road I tell ya… and to think I was just at the end of the dark tunnel, they decided to seal it off.

Ever since I got the letter that I got into DLSU, I worked as hard as I could to finish on time for the application. As soon as I finished Physics, I could taste it already. That taste of college. I had two more hurdles to get through before I was finally in the clear, and they would be: 1. thesis and 2. Filipino.

Now thesis.. it’s pretty much okay I guess

But Filipino…

Oh god Filipino……

I asked if I could finish it within a week, they said I could even finish it within two days! (which is possible since my friend did finish it in two days) And boy were they wrong :| THEY WERE DEAD WRONG

I decided to skip El Fili and proceed to the next half as to not waste time trying to decipher what Rizal wanted me to know. It took me 7 days for that… 7 fucking days

I’m not even sure if I passed the final test for that half! I might have to take it AGAIN :|

Now El Fili….

I’ve read El Fili

I know how the story progresses

I know who the characters are, what they are in the story and who they are in society.

What’s down right stupid is that, the questions in the test are soooooooooooooooooooooo detailed, you’re FORCED to read the unabridged version of it.

I ask you… of what use is El Fili to me in my everyday life?? What purpose, what importance does it exhibit that it might actually be essential? I don’t even remember Noli, I’ve studied it, but I don’t remember it. It wasn’t important enough for me to even unconsciously remember. And all the things I’ve been through, the good and bad, books have never been the supporting pole for forthcoming, happening and preceding events. I’ve solved all those on my own, based on experience, advice and logical deductions. I have yet to learn anything about life from the crap stories the school forces us to learn.

Anyway… I don’t think I’ll be able to go to DSLU :|

El Fili just took up so much time… And I think people did not take me seriously when I said I suck in Filipino, because I really do SUCK AT IT. I think I said this here before, that it took me two months to finish Noli me Tangere. Two fucking months of nothing but endless tests an retests of Noli! And now I’m taking El Fili, which is doubly hard as fuck! I know you people say I have no right to complain, but I tell you, I have every right to complain. I’ve read it everything, I’ve done the tests, I’ve studied as hard as I can, so I have every right to complain about this stupid and inconsequential subject that’s getting in my way of FIXING MY LIFE :|

I really thought I was finally able to do it… I really was.. DSLU presents itself with a golden opportunity to redeem myself, and yet here I am slaving over a book that I’m pretty sure I’ll forget in the near future :|

My world is crashing down again. I don’t I can fix my life anymore.

All because of a stupid subject and that worthless, dead language that means nothing to me at all.

There’s nothing else I can do, but just do my best.

I’ve already given up on everything.

Thank you AGAIN for making me realize how worthless my shit life really is. I’m pretty sure DSLU doesn’t give a fuck if I don’t make it anyway. People, friends and family will. But what can they do? I’m the only person who can fix this right? If that’s true, then for fuck’s sake, let me do it.

LET ME FIX MY FUCKED UP LIFE

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I’ll just do my best from now on.

Hopefully a miracle happens.

Although I’m not one to believe in such things.

Maybe just this once.

FOREVER FORNEVER

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2 thoughts on “I can feel my world crashing down on me

  1. you said it: “All because of a stupid subject and that worthless, dead language that means nothing to me at all.” Well they are just that. I just finished reading it myself, an English copy. We achieve, we fall and we get back up again; take it easy Pat!

    -Ella.

    Like

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