Being Father Dependent

It’s been over two years since my father left this family. Yet he’s still playing a big role in decision-making, mainly because he’s the man with the money. Yes, he’s the one that keeps me and my mom alive. Not in a religious-I-love-you kind of sense, more like I-own-your-ass kind of sense.

To be controlled by a person, who I wish were dead, is just a fantastic feeling. I can’t even make decisions for myself. I ALWAYS have to ask permission from him when I need to spend on something (something that I NEED of course).

Here’s an example.

I just got off the phone with my father. I complained to him that I needed the Kindle because I needed it for school (which is true, I’m not lying. A Kindle is a student’s greatest technological portable asset, next to the laptop and cellphone). Then he tells me to be patient. The problem is, he promised me I’d get it on the first week of October… guess what day it is now.

He tells me to be patient. This pissed me off, but if I told him off, he would’ve won. So I kept silent. I told him that I would need an account for the Kindle so I could buy the books that I needed. He tells me to use my mom’s credit card instead of his. Remember, this is the man who took off with all the money, leaving us barely with any, then he tells me that I should let my mom pay for my books. Great logic, “father”.

Most of you have no idea what it feels like to be constrained by a parent who ALREADY left. I thought I would feel a bit liberated, but no. My father has still got me by the balls; he could cut off my education if he felt like it (I guess that’s one of the reasons why I’m such a workaholic ie. showing that $1,000++ per trimester isn’t wasted because I’m on the honour roll).

Another example.

Each time I’m on the honour roll, he tells my mother “Does he get a discount [on tuition]?”. My mother congratulates me, hugs me, kisses me and so on. My father thinks of the stupidest thing, money. Yeah, “dad”, I fucking feel your love all right.

I wish I wasn’t so powerless. A pathetic piece of crap that can’t stand up to his father that controls his family through money.

PS. I know, some people would consider me lucky because most fathers wouldn’t even support their family after they left. But, I believe he’s only doing this to avoid jail time, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

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2 thoughts on “Being Father Dependent

  1. I told my father I was going to join an essay contest about Jose Rizal. Instead of a decent, “Oh, that’s good. I know you can do it!” he just scowled at me. And on the inside I was like, “Thanks a lot, ‘father’ for being so god damn supportive of my writing”. He also complains about the schools in the Philippines as if he’s the one who pays for it.

    I can perfectly relate to how you feel about the so-called “Padre de Pamilya”.

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    • I have a similar thing, I’m not sure if I blogged about it. When my father found out that I made it to the honor roll, he doesn’t congratulate me, he says “Do you get a discount (on your tuition)?”. That’s not what I wanna hear after working so hard. In fact, I never thought he’d have the nerve to say that, I guess I was wrong.

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      edit: I just remembered that I did blog about it, in fact it’s right above hahahaha! I feel so stupid right now.

      Like

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