Remember the girl I had a dream about, the one with the cherry blossoms and stuff? I kinda have this problem with her. Ever since that dream, my mind has been filling up with her likeness, and I honestly can’t stop thinking about her. For a while it seemed that I finally found THE person. I was a bit happy whenever I thought about it. Then, it just got out of hand.
It (not she, because she didn’t directly cause this) was beginning to negatively affect my performance at uni. I had a long ass time to think on how I was going to deal with this. It was difficult since she doesn’t know how I think about her, nor does she know that she’s causing all these internal aggravations. One night, I texted this to her (parentheses notes are not included in the text):
I need you to stay away from me for a while. I’ve started doing this (the staying away part) all ready. You’re literally on my mind 24/7, and I seriously cannot handle it. It’s all ready beginning to negatively affect me in my academics and my workload in the BSG (batch student government) doesn’t help either. It obviously isn’t your fault since you did nothing, ‘though that is the pleasant irony of it all. I’m not sure if I do want to tell you the specific reason as to why I’m doing this. If you really wanna know, I can give you two options: a) buy load (since she never has any credits in her phone) and ask me, “Why?” In which I would gladly reply, or b) ask (insert name here), he probably still remembers what I told him.
I never got a response, and my friend never told me that he saw or heard from her. So, life went on without her. Having this proximity gave me time to think and breathe, and more importantly, time to study. I was doing great, until yesterday.
I was at the Political Science Department at uni, because I needed to photocopy some of the articles that our professor told us to read. I found it, gave my I.D. to the secretary, and left the room. I was staring at the article, trying to decipher the notes that my professor scribbled at its margins, but to no avail. When I looked up, she was there with a friend, walking towards me.
My stomach tightened and my jaw clenched. She was smiling radiantly, which totally did not help the situation.
“What are you doing here?!” She ecstatically asked.
“I’m… uhhh… ummm… photocopying.” I kept my eyes away from her. I just couldn’t risk my mind. I turned and left for the elevator. I wanted to ask what she was doing there, because it’s a bit odd for a College of Education student to be in the faculty building of College of Liberal Arts. But I restrained myself from asking.
“You’re leaving na? Psh! Loser! Hahaha!” I gave a slight scoff. She would always call me that if I didn’t jump in the boat with her.
I continued to walk to the elevator. Thankfully it was on its way down, so I caught it, got in, and pressed 2 to get off at the at the second floor. The elevator’s doors closed so slowly; it seemed like minutes. Funny thing though, that particular elevator has the fastest closing doors at uni. The doors suddenly opened.
She and her friend came into the elevator and rode with me and this other person. I looked away from her, and my hands were fiddling with the article I got from the department. She took the article and looked at it; she gave it back to me as the doors opened for the second floor, and left. She said nothing to me, and I said noting to her. It’s very unusual for me not to say anything to her since I always have something to say (If you read the blog entry about my dream I had with her, you can see how we normally talk). I rode the elevator to the ground floor and went to the photocopying booth that was opposite to where she was heading.
I was doing so well until you came along.
PS. My blog is now three-years-old! And two days LOL.
The dream with her in it. Just in case you missed it. (here)